I don’t know why I have this sudden urge and courage to write my current thoughts in this blog of mine. Maybe because it still hurts and feels so hard to swallow. Every time I think of it, my head started spinning, my chest feels heavy like there’s this piece of concrete block on top of it and I could not move it away, like it has found the perfect place to land upon. Just thinking about the moments, I shed some tears. Everybody kept telling it’s not meant to be and it doesn’t worth a tear. I don’t know anymore. I found solace just thinking about the moments but I also found pain at the end of my train of thoughts, don’t forget the big heavy sigh I let go of.
It started with a horrible date I have ever had in my entire life. I swore I will never get in touch with him. It took one date to ruin the whole thing and one date to mend it all up. He doesn’t make such a good first impression but he is good at cheering me up, always there when I need a shoulder to lean on, he’s funny and charming, everything I want in a guy.
Every date with him is an adventure, he made sure I had the time of my life in every date. Every spontaneous thing he did, delighted me. I secretly like to look at him when he was not looking. I remember the way he sneezed, laughed, when he scrunched his nose, his smiles, the way he holds my hand, pinch my cheek, tap my nose, rub my head, everything that he did made my heart melts. I am happy.
I don’t really know why I like him, there is no particular thing because I like all of him – lovefool. I don’t understand why we are not together, why we remain as it is, between us is so fast sometimes I could not catch up, out of breath. Commitment is a mouthful, something that I could not give nor offer. He was bored of it, he could not wait. We started to grow tired of each other. We started bicker and got into fights. There were thousands of apologizes. Alas, we could not take it anymore and started to drift apart. I blamed it on guilt, a useless emotion.
For B.A.,
Wednesday, March 9th 2011, 21:57
all people have their own destiny,rite?
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